Hello! It’s been a couple months since I published a gatha. My apologies for the hiatus. I’m about halfway through my first semester of law school and it is, perhaps unsurprisingly, kicking my ass. At the same time, writing and sharing these does a lot for me, and I’d like to think one or two of you might like seeing them too.
I’ve had to give up a lot to move here and get this degree—financially to be sure, but also in terms of my relationships and my commitments to faith, literature, film, etc. I’ve taken way too long to write back to my prison pen pal and I feel terrible for it. I’ve fallen behind on my study and practice of the dharma, and I haven’t attended sangha in weeks. It goes without saying that I don’t read for pleasure anymore. I’m not sleeping very well (though it’s not like I was before). I have precious little free time nowadays, and to be honest, I find myself spending most of it relaxing instead of doing more intellectually or politically significant things that I know I could or should do. You could say I’m coming a little undone.
So I thought it would be good of me to take this opportunity to return to the initiative I started back in the summer, to write and post gathas on Substack. I wrote this one a couple months ago. It is an attempt to tackle my lifelong complicated relationship with anger. You see, I am quick to anger—far too quick. And when I get angry, I get bitter. I assume the worst in people; I generate grudges that remain in place far longer than necessary. It was worse when I was younger. I’d like to think I’ve started to put a lid on it over the past several years, especially after I renewed my commitment to Buddhism, as the two don’t really cohere. But it’s certainly still there; I can feel it right underneath the surface. Turns out, you can’t just study and meditate away a lifelong proclivity to get really, really pissed off about things. Who knew?
My plan for this gatha is that I will be able to recite it whenever I feel anger bubbling up in me. Hopefully, I can use the poem it to return to my breath and my better nature, and to stop this bad habit of mine from taking over once again. I’m rather tired of being controlled by my worst aspects, as it so happens. Let’s see if this makes a difference in that regard.
For the unitiated, a gatha is a short poem that some Buddhists write to guide them in their practice. They are designed to be easily remembered and mentally recited in rhythm with the breath. This makes them useful for meditation, or even as a tool to help you return to your breath while you go about your day. As someone who often struggles to act mindfully, especially in the middle of my day, gatha recitation is a useful practice. I hope you’ll give this one a try. Try to recite it mentally, dedicating an in-breath to one line and an out-breath to the next. See if you feel anything at the end of it. You might not, but if you do, that’s great, and let me know!
If you’re a paid subscriber, you have the ability to comment on my posts. In case you’ve written any gathas recently, or even non-practice related poems, I’d be honored if you’d share them here. If you’re not subscribed, consider kicking me $6 a month to help support me while I’m in law school. Think of it as buying me a beer a month. If that’s not in the cards, don’t worry about it, but go ahead and treat yourself to a tasty beverage for me—whichever you prefer.
Gatha for the Furious For recitation when overcome with anger. As long as there is good in the world, I am of it. But as long as there is evil, I am of it too. Thus, I will love my enemies, And bring light where there is darkness. May I be wrathful when needed, But never hateful. May I be furious when needed, But never unkind. May rage strengthen me, But may it never define me. Because anger does not last, And cannot heal like love can. I must never surrender to anger. I must always surrender to love.